Look away, quick! You still have time!

Let me check... yep, still pointless

Friday, February 04, 2005

You'd think that since I haven't been wasting my time on this blog lately it would mean I've been spending it productively doing other things. That's really not the case.

There have been a number of wonderful topics that I've written stuff on recently that never actually got posted.

Here are some of the recent winners of the Golden Way to Go Award:

Halle Berry complaining about still having to stump for jobs:

A woman of color? Halle, you're the whitest black woman in Hollywood. Don't complain about not getting jobs as a result of your color unless you're at least Angela Bassett black. That's Angela Bassett in Strange Days, not Angela Bassett in Contact.

I'm real sorry to have to bring Whoopi into this.

The jobs you've gone for recently have a lot to do with you flashing boob, dressing up in a costume, or both. "Great roles."

You're a movie star, not an actress. At least not any longer. We all heard the collective Los Angeles groan as Monster's Ball was released: "Aww, crap, I guess we're gonna have to give her an Oscar for this."

Good idea going on national television and essentially telling everyone you were apalled that we're not all falling all over ourselves to worship you after that smashing Oscar win. Halle does, however appear to be genuinely concerned with Women of Color getting more good movie roles. Judging by her recent fare, she's definitely leaving all the good ones to other African-American women.

Way to go.

The Sons of Italy in America taking shots at Robert de Niro for perpetuating stereotypes of Mafioso Italians in media:

So what then- you have no heritage? None of you had a grandmother who cooked? None of you eats pasta by the mountain with marinara sauce? Way to take one of the most successful Italian-Americans and sling crap at him for being... Italian? If any white guy ever complained about the negative portrayals of white Civil-War era slave owners, he'd be drowned out by the "Screw you!", and rightly so. Because it happened.

Full steam ahead, Sons of Italy. There are now thousands of Mafia hoods out there grumbling in shame that now they're going to be percieved as racial whiners just because they're Italian-Americans.

Way to go.

full post.

The dude who sued NBC because he watched an episode of Fear Factor that had contestants eating pieces of rats, it nauseated him and he got sick:

Couldn't manage to change the channel, bro?

This is the same guy who forces companies to put "Caution... this HOT TEA is HOT!" on their cups and warning signs like "do not step into oncoming traffic."

NBC didn't comment on the lawsuit, but did hand out free beverages to his legal team.

Way to go.

The New York artist who paints tons of pro-Bush art and feels victimized when galleries refuse to exhibit his work because of the blatant political overtones.

But hey, last time a museum displayed a piece he disagreed with, he stood outside the exhibit and literally threw shit at it in protest. Are you pro- or anti- expression, buddy? Or just pro-expression so long as it agrees with you?

full post (one of my favorites).

Way to go.

The German police officer who gave a fellow officer a parking ticket for parking his car facing the wrong direction while setting up a speed trap:

So when you go after some burglars in a high-speed pursuit, do you expect to get cited for driving over the legal speed limit? Or reckless driving?

Way to go.

The administrators of R.A. Long High School in Longview, Washington, who sent home a gay student for wearing a shirt that said, "Too Gay to Function."

The official reason? His shirt is offensive to homosexuals.

I once got in a fight in high school when I was standing in the cafeteria talking about how brown my hair was, and I guess this other brown-haired guy overheard and got mad about it.

Can't have "gay" written on a shirt, you know. Just letting that word soil the ears of our untarnished youth will infect them with the virus of dudeloving. Isolate them; that's the sure way to encourage a healthy social integration in our children. Just deny gay people exist! Clap your hands over your ears and shriek "Amazing Grace" until they go away.

And if that doesn't work, just say that God hates them.

School administrators couldn't even come up with a good crappy excuse. It's offensive to gay people? If the educators of today can't even come up with good excuses, who will train tomorrow's politicians?

Way to go.

P.Diddy, for his "Vote or Die" campaign:

115409172 votes were cast in our last presidential election. Being that there were approximately 217.8 million people in the United States age 18 or over, that leaves approximately 102 million Americans of voting age who didn't vote.

I'm waiting for you to hold up your end of the bargain, Diddy. You got a long way to go.

Way to make voting hip, by the way. VOTE OR DIE! That'll get urban youth rolling. If we can make them all feel like voting is badass and hardcore, they'll do it.

Did doesn't get a Way to Go award, though. I mean, he got some people to vote, but he didn't quite make a big enough ass of himself to be up there with the super winners. He just remained the mostly ineffectual lukewarm celebrity he normally is.

Katie Couric's "Teens and Sex" special report:

Within the first minute of opening this article (couldn't bring myself to tune in), I saw that the term "Friends with Benefits" was an amazing new revelation for Couric and what I can only assume is her news team working with her.

I keep forgetting that what seems to be an ever-increasing segment of over-40 America has completely forgotten what it was to be a teenager. If you were thinking about it when you were 16, then chances are your kids are thinking about it, too.

The same applies for the armchair social activists who are appalled that kids are picked on in school. Honestly, a kid that makes it through high school without ever experiencing a bully or the pointless scorn of a clique has missed an invaluable lesson that high school provides.

And for the love of God, will people stop putting an accent over the e in "clique" just because it has a funky non-English looking ending? "Cliqué" would be pronounced klee-KAY. I guess putting an accent in it makes the word worth another dollar or so, though.

Way to go, America!