Don't educate 'em- isolate 'em!

Saturday, March 26, 2005


Just a few days ago, a Texas State legislator filed a new bill intended to put a curb on sexually suggestive cheerleading routines at high school athletic events.


I'm glad that these issues are finally making it into the national spotlight- maybe now the American public will wake up to what's really happening in our schools.


Specifically, Representative Al Edwards's issues center around the shaking behinds of female cheerleaders.



Representative Edwards believes that we're sending our youth mixed messages- we advocate abstinence and responsible attitudes toward sex, but then, hypocritically, we allow blatantly sexual cheerleading moves to be performed at public, youth-attended functions.






Some of the cheerleading moves the kids are performing these days:






"The Splits" consists of a female cheerleader spreading her legs, revealing the crotch area and possibly providing a view of the uniform's underpanty.








"The Victory Pyramid" consists of several female cheerleaders climbing upon each other, providing a clear view up the skirt of cheerleaders above them. Note especially the inter-thigh contact.








"The Bullhorn Guy" isn't a true cheerleading move, but you can see how teenagers might be influenced toward intercourse after witnessing this in a routine:










I don't know about other red-blooded guys out there, but when I see a girl walk by and her hips are all swinging back and forth, and maybe she's got on some of those low-cut jeans that are all the rage with kids these days, you know... when I see her walk by, I just can't help but have sex with that girl. It's even harder to control myself when Cinemax gives out their free preview weekends.


Representative Edwards, though 68, understands these youthful urges I have. He's definitely in on "the 411," as the kids say, in terms of sexual encounters. Just listen to him: "It's just too sexually oriented, you know, the way they're shaking their behinds and going on, breaking it down." Notice use of the phrase "breaking it down"- straight from modern pop-culture. That's how youth speaks! Representative Edwards is definitely "tuned in."





This man knows pootie.




This legislation will make our high schools a much more sanitized and influence-free environment. The last thing we would want is our high school students being allowed to see stuff and learn to make their own decisions- because they'd be bad ones!





I think we should carry this a few steps further- because really, when cheerleaders are wearing the skimpy and revealing uniforms that are so common, how can a male resist a copulative attempt?



Here's my suggestion for a new, state-regulated uniform pattern. Of course, schools would be allowed to transpose their colors and mascots upon their uniforms, but all would be bound to this template:














Al Edwards, born in 1937, would have attended high school in the early 50s. I can understand his insight unto the poor condition of high schools now, then- in the 50s, there was no premarital sex, no unwanted pregnancies- a complete absence of all things sexually "oriented." That bad stuff didn't happen back then.




It's a proven fact that our high school students learn to have sex from cheerleading routines. If we had enacted a law like this years ago, think of how many unwanted pregnancies and STD cases could have been prevented!


We must work hard to remove anything and everything in our youth's lives that might possibly make them think of sex. That way, when they're older and it comes time for them to have morally-approved sex (after they're married before God and all), they can install their white picket fence... and have a clean slate... I'll just stop there.



The best and most productive method we as a society can take toward reponsible sexual practices in our school-aged youth isn't to properly educate them about sex or fund programs that make it easier for our kids to have reponsible sex- no, the solution is to fund a public commission that strictly regulates pep-rally pom-pon dances.

posted by Scotty 2-shots at 1:00 PM